Irrational Fear #3: Judgment

I don't have a fear of doling out judgment (I work for the judicial system for crying out loud).  I have a fear of constantly being judged for whatever I do.  I don't know why, I don't know how, but no matter what I do, I feel like someone, somewhere, is judging me.

Now I should probably see a therapist for this (and many more personality flaws) but I'm too broke and busy and short-attention-spanned to do that.  So I'm just going to write out my feelings and hope someone, somewhere, who happens to be a therapist either comments or thinks I so desperately need help that they'll just show up on my doorstep and demand to help me for free (fingers crossed).

For Example, I don't like the following things:

• Exercising in a public place, like a gym.  I feel like the "regulars" are looking at me weird because I'm probably on someone's machine even though it's not technically theirs.  Or, since I'm so physically incapable of performing any exercise properly (too lanky and too weak), they are judging my technique. You don't know me grandma!  Keep walking!
• Shopping at the store.  It's like people know, no matter what I buy, that I can't cook any of the things I buy.  I don't know if you do this, but I always check out other people's carts because I'm pretty sure that's what they are doing to me.
• Clothes shopping.  It's awkward, especially when you have to go into the dressing room (especially in a Meijer's or something where you have to call the person).  They are going to judge what I picked out and laugh about it once I'm out of sight.
• Using public restrooms.  I don't think other dudes are going to judge the way I pee...but they might.
• First day of class.  I don't know any of these people and I'm pretty sure everyone else is friend's with each other.  What the hell?
• In addition to this, when the professor says that we have to pick groups, I instantly get a sense of dread, then wait until there is an incomplete group and join them because I don't have friends.
• Doing anything that makes me remotely an adult.  Like paying rent.  Or getting my car fixed.  I know for a fact that these people judging me think I'm 12 and shouldn't be living on my own.

I basically can't win with this whole judgment thing.  So...yeah...I feel like everyone is now going to judge this post just to make me feel judged.  DARN YOU ALL TO HECK!

Side note, turns out there is no real fear of being judged.  It's just called Social Anxiety Disorder.  Which fits well with my Middle Child Syndrome and Hypochondriac nature and my Colon Polyps (diagnosed by WebMD).  Awesome.

STOP JUDGING ME!

Hugs and Kisses,
Brian [Saint]