Irrational Fear #1: Spiders

It's February!  It's Black History Month!  It's also (on my blog at least), Irrational Fear Month!  (Please note, I'm not afraid that it's Black History Month, I just needed a good month to put my irrational fears in, and February just happened to be the shortest month of the year, so that's why I chose that one.  Also, when I was planning my blog out, for the next few months (YES! I plan!) I wanted to do irrational fears, so here we go).

Anyway, Spiders.  Terrifying, yes.  Deadly, Yes.  Cute and cuddly, No.  Spiders are terrifying.  They eat their mates and they lay eggs and they poop out their homes!!!  What's more terrifying than that?!?

But really, on a serious note, I am terrified of spiders.  My enemies must be reading this and smirking to themselves maniacally because they think they have found out how to defeat me.  They are, in fact, my kryptonite.  However, odds are, I have already told all my enemies that I am terrified of spiders because I feel we should all be able to state our fears out loud to each other and not have them used against us.

I have no idea when I started being afraid of spiders, but the fact is, I am terrified of them (as I may or may not have previously stated).  Don't get me wrong, I can (probably) squish spiders if they are small and seemingly harmless, but there is a certain limit to me killing spiders.

As you can see, I have my limits.  I'm not completely helpless when there is a spider, so long as it is either on the floor or below knee level.  Anything else, I'm going to need some help.  To add to my fear, I don't like killing spiders either because I always feel bad once they are squished and flushed (the only true way to kill a spider, it's their silver bullet).  But there is no way in hell that I'm actually going to pick the spider up and take it outside.  So it has to die.  Or be out of sight...

After all, out of sight out of mind, right?  That's why it works when there is a spider on the counter, so I just push the toaster into the corner, dragging the spider with it.  I just won't eat toast for the next few months.

And my fear of spiders wasn't helped by the giant spider that was found at my Aunt and Uncle's cottage.  It was HUGE!  And carrying its egg sac!  And spraying it with an inch-layer of spider killing foam didn't do anything.  This spider was probably the largest spider I have ever freaking seen!  It was probably the AirBus of spiders or something.  That's how big it was.

All this talk about spiders is making me itchy now...

I Hope It's Eczema,
Brian