I Could Never Be Rich

This past weekend, I briefly got to experience the life of a rich person, and how nice it might be, for someone who isn't me...

So I went to a birthday celebration at the lovely English Inn somewhere in the middle of Michigan...whatever.  Anyway, first off, I can't be rich because everyone must think that I am too poor to be rich.  As I got out of my car to the inn, an old man sitting on a random rock asked me if I was there to work at the wedding!  I said "no my fellow rich man, I am here for a small social gathering up on the terrace with some good chaps."  I thought for sure my cover was blown because of this random old dude.  It's like he could smell the middle class oozing out of my pores.

I eventually find my party, which was difficult to do because everything was so pretty and nice, and we got up to our dining room.  It was TOO FANCY!  There was silverware there with forks and spoons that I didn't even know existed, such as the first course, pre-salad fork!  DUB-TEE-EFF?!?!?  Once that moment of panic is subdued by my slightly less middle class friend, the waiter, or butler, or maître d’ or whatever he was, passed out the menus.  Now menus in middle class places are just pieces of paper...sometimes they are laminated.  These were legit, leatherbound books with high quality parchment and the ink was made out of Unicorn blood or something exquisite.

So we order the five course meal, which makes me excited because I've never had an actual five course meal.  Needless to say, this is when things started to go awry.

First Course
Soup.  A chilled soup made with cucumber and beets that looked like somebody threw up red Popsicles in a glass bowl, and then threw a pine needle on it.  Grossness in a cup.  Also too, it tasted like glass and I wasn't sure if I could eat it since I don't have an appendix.

Second Course
A salad.  With olive tapenade (which I made a point to pronounce Tape-Nade).  And a GIANT ASS DELICIOUS CROUTON WITH GOAT CHEESE SPREAD!  Anyway, I ate the crouton, but left the salad because I don't like balsamic vinegar.

Third Course
The palate cleanser.  A delicious sorbet that made me feel very rich since it was the palate cleanser.  I tried to mention that I was cleansing my palate the entire time I was cleansing my palate, which was being cleansed as I was eating the palate cleanser.

Fourth Course
Chicken.  Nothing spectacular.  Meh.

Fifth Course
Dessert.  Once again.  Nothing spectacular.  Meh.

Which is exactly why I can't be famous!  I don't like five courses!  By number four, I wasn't even hungry!  Give me a #2 combo from Wendy's any day of the week!!

Although, the whole having the money thing would be nice...