Facebook Etiquette Series 1: Friends

If you remember about an arbitrary amount of time ago, I did a small series on bus etiquette.  Well, in this etiquetteless world, I'm back with more essential grains of knowledge...but this time about Facebook!

Everyone these days has a Facebook (except my parents thank GAWD).  My boss has a Facebook.  My best friends have Facebooks.  My grandma even has a Facebook.  So, in this new world of Faces and the various Books that they go into, it's very important to have basic knowledge of who your friends are and will be.

Facebook friends are important.  You need Facebook friends to survive.  You feed off their posts, relishing in their drunken mistakes and their musically questionable lyrical statuses.  But how do you pick your friends?  And when do you limit their privileges?  And when, by God, can you finally delete that dumb ho from high school?  All in due time readers, all in due time.

Types of Facebook Friends
There are many different types of Facebook friends.  Let's run down the list, shall we?

• Best Friends:  these are the Facebook friends that you actually talk to Face-to-Face.  You will add these friends first and visit their pages daily, to make sure they are still alive.  Chats are a common thing and your wall-to-wall conversation leaves you peeing your pants daily.
• College Friends:  These are the friends that you meet at random intervals, but become fast friends with.  Maybe they aren't up their in Best Friend status yet, but they are close and hold a special place on your Face (or on your Book, whichever phrase you like better).
• Friends of Friends:  these are the Facebook friends that you say hi to in passing, but you don't actually care that much about their lives.  Mostly, these are filler friends that you keep around to make you seem more popular.  You will only visit their Facebook if they post something funny...or sad...
• Family:  these are the Facebook friends who have sat in Friend Purgatory for far too long, and keep asking you at family functions why you haven't accepted their friend request.  Do not let these people have full access to your profile.  It will be bad.
• Co-Workers:  If you are like me, and are the youngest person in your office, then you too must be surprised at the number of people who have Facebook.  Well, once again, if you do friend-request your co-workers, limit their viewing privileges.  Trust me.
• High School Acquaintances:  You went to high school with them.  Have you talked to them since?  Nope!  Are their lives train-wrecks that you can't stop looking at?  Yep!
• Do I Know You?:  These are the friends that you might know.  At least you think they are a friend of that one girl you met at that party last week (?).  You keep them around because you feel they know you and would know that you de-friended them.  You can't live with that guilt.

Now that you have all these friends, you feel it might be time to get rid of some of them.  This simple-step process will help you get rid of the unnecessary friends:

1. First person to go is the person who constantly has to update their status with either a cheesy song lyric or an ambiguous statement that makes you want to ask "What's wrong".  Get rid of them now.  Their lives are too complicated for you.
2. Next person to go is the person who is constantly in and out of a relationship.  If you can't stay in a committed relationship, how can I trust you to be my Facebook Friend?
3. High School Friends You Don't Remember:  Axe them.  If they haven't made a good enough impression to be there in your mind, they don't matter.
4. Anyone Who You Can't Remember:  In general, if you don't remember them, get rid of them.  I'm sure they won't mind (unless they are really your cousin...then they might).

By sticking to this information, I'm sure that you and your hundreds and thousands of friends will be happy on the Facebook.  Remember, if you don't know them, don't friend them.  Unless you get a consensus that says otherwise...

Accept Friend Request?
Brian