Bus Etiquette Series 2: Manners

As previously stated, I have ridden the bus multiple times.  As such, I am able to bring you this wonderful list of things you should and should NOT do whilst riding the city busing system.

Please DO:
Make Idle Conversation with the Bus Driver about all sorts of unimportant things like the weather, or stupid people.  Sometimes, she'll give you candy.
Pull the string first.  It's such an empowering feeling to make the bus stop.
Pull the sting even if someone has already asked the driver to stop at your stop.  Claim ignorance.
Make more idle conversation with the same people you see on the bus everyday.
Sort your purse/backpack/pockets.  Let everyone guess what's inside.
Leave an empty seat in between each person, unless you are intimate with them or the bus is full.
Have assigned seats and get extremely upset when a newcomer takes yours.  They should know.
Look up when someone new enters the bus in hopes that you know them.

Please DO NOT:
Get on the bus if you are drunk.  Nobody wants to see you passed out across three seats, suddenly wake up and start screaming to see if the bus has stopped.
Have loud conversation across the bus.  Nobody cares about your grandkids anyway.
Cackle.
Let your phone play its annoying ringtone for five minutes before you pick the stupid thing up!
TALK LIKE THIS!  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU!!!~!!~
talk like this.  no one can hear you
If you are a creepy old man, please don't take pictures of my coworkers on your cellphone.  Not only does it make it awkward that I'm the only one who saw you do it, but it also makes me get uncomfortable images in my head.
Have conversations about things that no one should ever talk about outside of your doctor's office.  I don't care how bad your rash itches.
Eat something grotesque (and possibly still alive) and stink up the whole bus.
Enter the bus if you haven't bathed in over three days.
Listen to your iPod with the music cranked all the way up. The point of headphones is so I don't actually have to hear your crappy music.
If you are the bus driver, don't nearly hit me, act like it's a hassle to pick me up, speed off before I sit down, almost hitting other people even though I asked politely to wait, and then tell me that "It's not your job to wait for people".  You are a damn bus driver!  IT IS YOUR JOB!

Well.  This is just an abbreviated list of things that you should and should not do.  Enjoy.

PS  I have seen all of this whilst riding on the bus.  Now you understand my hate of the world.