Apparently, there is some huge storm coming to the area that's going to basically wipe out human existence because of all the snow we are going to get...whatever. This is just adding to my spite horns. It's not that I hate all of winter, just most of it. I guess I could go up to the title bar and rephrase it, but why fix what's already done, right?
So, like I said, I don't hate all of winter. The first few weeks of snow are pretty awesome. Especially around Christmas time. You have to have snow at Christmas time. It's just the rules. However, once New Years comes around, winter can go suck a big one. And this list of hateful things is why:
Unburying Your Car
For the first few major snows, it seems to be passable. There's snow on my car, that's no problem, let me just swipe that off. There we go, moving on with my life. However, there comes to a point when you just break. My breaking point happened to be at 6:00 in the morning as I was leaving for work. Walk out to my car, and I see the snow. Instantly, I'm pissed off. So I take my snow brush and push the snow on the ground to find: an inch of ice. Not even joking. An entire inch! So now, I have to scrape as well as brush. The whole time, I am cussing up a storm. I think I may have made up a few words in the process as well...whatever.
No More Shortcuts
I don't know about you, but if you're like 99.99% of all Americans, you are looking for an easier way to do something. Travel, for instance, is one of those things. If I can cut across a lawn on campus, by golly I'm going to do it to save me the extra two minutes the sidewalks had in mind. In winter, that's not going to happen. You would have to purchase snow dogs in order to get through anywhere. So thank you winter, you have wasted 5 minutes of my day because of your nuisance.
Oranges
Not a huge problem, since I'm not too fond of oranges, but apparently, when Florida gets below 65 degrees, the oranges stop being produced and then orange juice prices go up and then people bitch up a storm.
Road Problems
Roads + Winter = Suckfest. Basically, if you drive too fast, you slide off the road and into a ditch. If you drive too slow, you get stuck at the bottom of a hill and then slide into a ditch. If you drive at a safe speed, you still will probably slide off into a ditch. If you are just sitting in a parking lot, waiting for your car to warm up, odds are you are going to somehow end up in a ditch. Moral of the story, they don't call them "ditches" for no reason.
Also, potholes. Now, in Michigan, potholes are a serious problem. How do they solve the problem while spending as little money as possible? Make a sport out of it. The state sport of Michigan is in fact Pothole Dodging. I am personally an expert. Sure, I may look like I am heavily intoxicated while I swerve across the road to avoid deathly potholes, but I didn't win the gold medal three years in a row for nothing.
Another thing about road problems is the plows. They just don't keep up like they used to. I don't know if it's the economy, or the age of the machinery, or global warming, or C'Thulu, but something is causing the plows to slack off. Most of the time, when I'm on the roads, there isn't a plow in sight. Want to know when they come around on campus: three in the morning. All I can hear is that annoying SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE across the concrete as the plows "clear" the roads.
Snow Days
Now that I'm in college and have jobs, I don't get snow days anymore. What's even the point of winter if I can't have a day off from school and work?!?
The Weather People
Ok weather people, we get it. We're going to get snow. You do NOT have to interrupt Days of Our Lives to let me know that we are in a WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY! This is Michigan. If it didn't snow here, I would be concerned. I don't care that it's going to snow 1-2" tonight, or that the roads will be treacherous. If you don't know how to drive in winter in Michigan, you don't deserve to live here. Now, let's stop blowing everything out of proportion and get on to something more exciting, like other news that can be blown way out of proportion.
Sure, this isn't an exhaustive list, but I'm exhausted. In the end, I guess this can be all summed up with a BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO YOU WINTER!
And Spring isn't much better either...damn allergies.
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