Besides pointing out the obvious fact that I haven't blogged in what seems like eons, it's Christmas time! Time for friends (if you have them), food (if you can afford it) and family (if your crazy antics haven't already driven them away into either senility or denial of your existence). Anywho, since the radios and the phonographs have been playing Christmas music since July (at least I'm pretty sure it's been since July), one song has struck me as re-darn-diculous! That song would be any version of "Do They Know It's Christmastime at All".
While this song was supposed to be for charity or motivational or something like that, it is just foolishness! Allow me to elaborate by breaking down some of the lyricals for y'all in basic sentence form.
It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid.
Just ignore the fact that a fat man in a red suit who watches you all year is going to break in to your house tonight.
At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade.
Unless you use daylight savings time because it's dark at TWO IN THE FREAKING AFTERNOON!
And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy.
Because giving some of our crap away would be too much work.
Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time.
Not even going to humble this one with a snarky comment.
But say a prayer. Pray for the other ones. At Christmas time, it's hard, but when you.
What if I'm atheist? Should I say a nonprayer for the other ones?
There's a world outside your window and it's a world of dreaded fear.
There's also a tree and a parking lot and a dumpster. Don't really fear any of those. Except the tree. We still aren't on good terms.
Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears.
It's snowing right now. That's technically water, right?
And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom.
That's right! Jesus is coming! EVERYONE LOOK BUSY!!!
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you!
Yes. Thank God it's the other lesser fortunate people than just the less fortunate people? WHO THE HELL WOULD THAT BE?
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time.
I bet you all of King Midas' gold that there is snow in Africa somewhere.
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life.
And a Matchbox car.
Where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow.
If we ignore the lush rainforests and Lake Victoria and the Nile and the Meditteranean region and the southern region known for it's crops. In fact, just look at the Sahara. That's basically all of Africa anyway.
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
Yes. Yes they do. Because even poor people know what freaking day it is.
Usually, whence I am singing this car, I start to laugh at the lyrics. I mean really?!? Come on! At least show a small bit of creativity.
Watch Your Freaking Step into Christmas,
Brian
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