Am I Competent? Probably Not.

So, this week I have my annual competency fair!  Which means I go to work for two hours to get asked a bunch of questions about old people and nursing homes and the likes.  I know, sounds exhilarating right?  This is in fact, a new development at the nursing home...probably been around for a few years, unlike our residents. (BAZING!)

However, my plans on passing this so called "test" are looking smaller and smaller.  Primarily because I A.) lack the motivation to try to study it even though we get paid for the two hours that we do study and B.) because I am having trouble remembering my grammar and junk.  Sure, grammar and junk both have nothing to do with this test, but I feel in order to be competent, I need to be well-rounded.

One of my friends (read her blog here http://www.emilyfrancko.blogspot.com/) (SHAMELESS PLUGS) has been chatting with me regularly on the Facebook.  I don't know if it's because I type faster than I think or if it's because I haven't taken an English class since senior year of high school, but I have been EFFING UP MY GRAMMAR LIKE A BOSS (metaphor?)  Examples:

• Your instead of You're
• Their instead of There instead of They're
• Right instead of Write
• Left instead of Right
• Beluga Whale instead of Narwhal
• Waka Waka instead of Eh Eh
• Economics instead of Accounting
• Accounting instead of Polish
• Polish instead of English

So you see?  My life is in shambles all because of my grammar.  And it's all the English Language's Fault.  Polish is so much easier.  No articles.  No confusion about possession.  No anything else that makes English hard.

I got a wee bit carried away here.  I'll wind this up with "I think I want to purposely fail the competency fair just to be called incompetent."

You'res Truly,
Brian

Randomness #2: Keep it Low

Yes, I am inconvenienced once again by the writer's block.  So, this topic was "Is it better to have high expectations or low expectations."  Ha.  If you know me, you already know the answer to this one.  If you don't...here we go:

Low.

That is all.

Think about it.  If you always aim low in life, whenever you do something better, then it's a big happy surprise.  Like, when I purposely fail my tests, but then get a D, that's good!  I thought I was failing, but no!  I'm just below average!  I can live with that!

Furthermore, when you aim low, you are never disappointed.  Especially when you aim as low as possible, like me.  That way, you just sit there and wait for bad stuff to happen.  Like I always say, Plan for the worst.  That way, when it happens, you get to tell everyone else that you were right and they were wrong.  Now, not only do you look like a damn genius, but also too you feel accomplished by putting in the minimal effort.

Bam.  Problem solved.  You can thank me later.

C'Thulu,
Brian.

Randomness #1: I Wanna be a Vet...or a Bus Driver

So I've been all sorts of unmotivated and uncreative these past few weeks and, as such, I have failed to blog.  Now, as you can see that my creative is equivalent to that of a box jellyfish (but just as deadly), I needed some help with something to blog about.  Enter Google.

I basically Googled "Random Topic Generator" and found a random conversation starter website.  This seems adequate, since this blog is basically a one-sided conversation with myself while you simply listen to the garbage I spew out of my mouth and onto the keyboard, through the interwebs and here, onto your computer screen for your viewing pleasure.

Anyway, the topic was:  As a child, what did you want to be when you grow up?

I'm going to surprise you all and say that I didn't always want/expect to be an accountant when I grew up.  Originally, I wanted to be a teacher.  That's right.  Now look at me, I'm going to be making $20,000 more and I hate children.  My how the fates are funny.

Besides being a teacher, I've also wanted to be a doctor, a veterinarian, a nurse (because I learned how much school is required for doctors), a king, a bus driver, a semi-truck driver, a storm chaser (like in Twister), a zoologist, an astronaut, an arborist, a Pokemon Master, a professional juggler, a novelist, a novellaist, a cook, a Russian Spy, an American Spy, FBI Agent, Crayon Maker, color namer and a nutritionist.

Now, none of these came true, expect the Pokemon Master.  Totally caught them all.  Morale of the story, I'm just boring enough for the accounting world.  It suits me.  Wonderful.

Also, I'm sick as of five hours ago today (DAMN COLD) and so I gave up halfway through this post.  Whatever.  So.  What did you want to be when you growed up?!?!

Sickly Yours,
Brian

Bored Out of My Mind

I am so bored right now. Like legit, drop on the floor dead because I have nothing better to do.  I already organized all the homework I have to do for the weekend, but I'm not going to do it tonight because that's intensely lame.  Anyway, speaking of school, that makes me feel like I should let you know about my classes.

HOW FUN!

Polish

This class is easily going to be my most favorite class this year.  Not only because I'm going to learn to speak the language of my peoples, but also because it should be relatively easy, and I need some GPA boosters after last year's Honors debacle (I don't even want to get started on this crap).  Anyway, my professor is straight from Poland (when it was behind the Iron Curtain no less!  How Communist!)  Should be fun...we'll see.

Intermediate Accounting 2

Shoot me in the face multiple times from close range with a pump action shotgun.  For rizzeal.  This class is going to rape me and leave me on the side of the road bleeding profusely from my spleen.  Now that you have that lovely picture in your head, this class sucks.  First, my professor is slightly foreign and I can't understand most of the words he says.  Second, we have to do some random Professional Connecting that I really don't want any part of...whatever.  Third, it's the worst.  Every student and professor who hears that I'm in 311 laughs and says that class is terrible.  Thanks.

Honors Seminar

I don't know about this one yet.  This is just the first of my three (yes three) three hour classes that I am enrolled in.  The people are fun (except for one) and intelligent (except for one) and provide good insight to Opportunity Identification and Sustainability Issues (except one).  Lots of work, but I feel it will be worth it in the end....

TAX CLASS

I enjoy this class.  SO MUCH FUN!  And yet, people in there don't understand the concepts and try to question the professor with hypothetical questions that aren't even tax related.  Just shut up and hire an attorney for all of your stupid questions!

Government Accounting

My life wouldn't be complete without another accounting class.  Three is a good number, right?  Anyway, Government and Not-for-Profit is an exciting time.  My adviser is the professor and she is basically awesome.  Probably going to kill me in the long run because it's once a week for three hours, so I will naturally forget everything from the previous week...

So yeah.  That's about it.  Between those 16 credits and 36 hours of work per week, I'm just going to drop dead from exhaustion by the age of 32.  Oh well.

Taxes.

Brian

My Family Should Probably Start Telling Me Stuff

Now that I have moved away, my family apparently deems it unnecessary to tell me when important family functions are happening.  In fact, the only person who keeps me up to date is my sister.  Without her, I wouldn't even know if my family was still alive.

So anyway, this whole not telling me anything started with my parent's 25th Anniversary dinner (congrats to them beeteedubs).  My sister planned this extravagant dinner at an extravagant place with extravagant settings.  Naturally, the children were going to pay for this.  No biggie, I thought, thinking it would just be our family, as I had been previously told.  Nope, the six of us became the 15 of us.  Was not prepared for that one.  Thanks fam.

And again, about a week later (or before, I don't really know), I get a text from my sister on a Saturday asking if I was going to go to the family reunion.  I asked when it was.  She said tomorrow (Sunday).  Umm.  Ok.  Let me just drop everything I had planned because, once again, my family forgot I existed.  Thanks.  So I get out of work at three and hop over to the family reunion.  I complained how I didn't know about it.  Thus, my dad retorts:  I told you about.  I said no, no you did not.  His response:  well the invitation is on the table at home.  You should have read it.

Ugh.  For those who have been to my parent's house, you know the kitchen table is quite literally a FEMA qualified disaster zone.  For those who haven't been there, here's a fairly accurate picture:

Plus, I don't even live there anymore.  Why would I look at the table to find this phantom invitation.

And again, just this last weekend (LABOR DAY) I get a text message out of getting out of work...again (See how I celebrated Labor Day.  I worked).  It's my sister:  You Coming to the Cottage?  Umm.  No.  Once again, haven't been told about anything.  So I have to speed clean my apartment (which I eventually just gave up once I saw the dishes) and then pack some random crap and speed up there while singing to the musical stylings of Nicki Minaj (boom boom boom boom boom boom boom booom boom).  Get up there and my dad swears he told me about this.  No.  No you did not.

I've given up on them basically.  I'll just let myself know when things are happening by bugging their phones.

Sincerely Forgotten,
That One.