Why Yes, I do Hate Winter, Thank You Very Much

Apparently, there is some huge storm coming to the area that's going to basically wipe out human existence because of all the snow we are going to get...whatever.  This is just adding to my spite horns.  It's not that I hate all of winter, just most of it.  I guess I could go up to the title bar and rephrase it, but why fix what's already done, right?

So, like I said, I don't hate all of winter.  The first few weeks of snow are pretty awesome.  Especially around Christmas time.  You have to have snow at Christmas time.  It's just the rules.  However, once New Years comes around, winter can go suck a big one.  And this list of hateful things is why:

Unburying Your Car
For the first few major snows, it seems to be passable.  There's snow on my car, that's no problem, let me just swipe that off.  There we go, moving on with my life.  However, there comes to a point when you just break.  My breaking point happened to be at 6:00 in the morning as I was leaving for work.  Walk out to my car, and I see the snow.  Instantly, I'm pissed off.  So I take my snow brush and push the snow on the ground to find: an inch of ice.  Not even joking.  An entire inch!  So now, I have to scrape as well as brush.  The whole time, I am cussing up a storm.  I think I may have made up a few words in the process as well...whatever.

No More Shortcuts
I don't know about you, but if you're like 99.99% of all Americans, you are looking for an easier way to do something.  Travel, for instance, is one of those things.  If I can cut across a lawn on campus, by golly I'm going to do it to save me the extra two minutes the sidewalks had in mind.  In winter, that's not going to happen.  You would have to purchase snow dogs in order to get through anywhere.  So thank you winter, you have wasted 5 minutes of my day because of your nuisance.

Oranges
Not a huge problem, since I'm not too fond of oranges, but apparently, when Florida gets below 65 degrees, the oranges stop being produced and then orange juice prices go up and then people bitch up a storm.

Road Problems
Roads + Winter = Suckfest.  Basically, if you drive too fast, you slide off the road and into a ditch.  If you drive too slow, you get stuck at the bottom of a hill and then slide into a ditch.  If you drive at a safe speed, you still will probably slide off into a ditch.  If you are just sitting in a parking lot, waiting for your car to warm up, odds are you are going to somehow end up in a ditch.  Moral of the story, they don't call them "ditches" for no reason.

Also, potholes.  Now, in Michigan, potholes are a serious problem.  How do they solve the problem while spending as little money as possible?  Make a sport out of it.  The state sport of Michigan is in fact Pothole Dodging.  I am personally an expert.  Sure, I may look like I am heavily intoxicated while I swerve across the road to avoid deathly potholes, but I didn't win the gold medal three years in a row for nothing.

Another thing about road problems is the plows.  They just don't keep up like they used to.  I don't know if it's the economy, or the age of the machinery, or global warming, or C'Thulu, but something is causing the plows to slack off.  Most of the time, when I'm on the roads, there isn't a plow in sight.  Want to know when they come around on campus:  three in the morning.  All I can hear is that annoying SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE across the concrete as the plows "clear" the roads.

Snow Days
Now that I'm in college and have jobs, I don't get snow days anymore.  What's even the point of winter if I can't have a day off from school and work?!?

The Weather People
Ok weather people, we get it.  We're going to get snow.  You do NOT have to interrupt Days of Our Lives to let me know that we are in a WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY!  This is Michigan.  If it didn't snow here, I would be concerned.  I don't care that it's going to snow 1-2" tonight, or that the roads will be treacherous.  If you don't know how to drive in winter in Michigan, you don't deserve to live here.  Now, let's stop blowing everything out of proportion and get on to something more exciting, like other news that can be blown way out of proportion.

Sure, this isn't an exhaustive list, but I'm exhausted.  In the end, I guess this can be all summed up with a BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO YOU WINTER!


And Spring isn't much better either...damn allergies.

I Belong in a Nursing Home

I have come to the conclusion that I should just stay in the nursing home that I work in.  Basically, my days boil down to this:

• Wake up early to go to class.
• Go to class.
• Go to work.
• Come home, eat.
• Look at stack of homework.
• Ignore stack of homework.
• Facebook.  StumbleUpon.
• Open book to begin homework.
• YOUTUBE FOR HOURS!!!!
• Realize that I haven't done the work I need to.
• Struggle through the homework due tomorrow.
• NAP TIME!
• Four hours later, panic because I haven't gotten anything done.
• More Facebook.
• Buckle down.
• And bedtime.

So, I figured, I can eliminate class, work and homework if I go into an old folk's home.  I figured I could schedule my day as such:

• Wake up.  Eat breakfast.
• Nap time.
• YOUTUBE FOR HOURS!!!!
• Lunch.
• Nap time.
• Facebook (because even old people need Facebook)
• BINGO!
• Nap time.
• Dinner.
• Remember the glory days with the other old folks.
• Complain about the young people.
• Bed time.
• Repeat.  Each day.  Every day.  For the rest of my life.

I don't think it's such a bad future.  Personally, I can't wait to get into a nursing home.  (Even though we aren't supposed to call our's a nursing home.  It is an assisted living center with a medical wing.  Whatever.  It's a nursing home).  Frankly, my friends and I already have the whole play old people games thing down.  Blokus is the new bingo.  Just you wait.  You'll have four of us in an assisted living center screaming out Blokus as the nurses pass out our meds.  It's going to be awesome!



THE PERFECT BLOKUS GAME!!!!

Sweet Beluga Whales! It's 2011!!!

Yes my dearies, it is 2011:  a year of new hopes and old hopes, a year of wishes galore (11/11/11 at 11:11:11 is going to be EPIC) and apples galore (which I think was a childhood game I once played).  2011 is a year of war, famine and economic downturn  warm happy thoughts....yeah...that one.

Well, lo and behold, I haven't blooged in awhile, mostly because I've been on vacation.  By vacation, I clearly mean working full-time.  That's my idea of a well spent vacation.  So I've been working and as such, my blogging capabilities have been nearly cut in thrice.  Fortunately, school is back in session and that means I need to procrastinate.  Welcome back to the Blogosphere!!!!!

Basically, this has been my life in the past three weeks:

Work
Work
Work
Reunite with Old Friends
Wait All Night for the Great Pumpkin
Realize that I am Celebrating the Wrong Holiday
Jesus is Here
Jesus is Gone
Feed Old People
Work
Work
Work
Work
Work
Day Off
Apparently, there is a New Year coming...
The New Year is Here
I Can no Longer write the Date Correctly
Work
Work
Mancation
Work
Feed Some More Old People (really the same old people, just doing it again)
Work
Move Back onto Campus
Begin Procrastination by Failing to Print out Syllabi (Syllaboos?) and Forgetting Pens on the First Day of Class

So.  That's what I've been doing...yup...hmm...

I Felt Like I had to Leave You With Something Profound...So here.