30 Days of Thanks Wrapped Up Into one Post

So it's November, and people are thankful because Jesus was born so that the Pilgrims and the Indians could defeat the turkey overlords that ruled the New World.  And that's why we have Thanksgiving.

Anyway, people are putting on their Facebooks or their Twitters or their Myspaces (just kidding (no one uses MySpace anymore)) about what they are thankful for.  So I'll do that here.  Because I just do not care enough to put something every single day for 30 days.  It's like taking antibiotics, and nobody has time for that nonsense.

So, here we go.  Without further ado, the things that I am thankful for in this, the month of November:

1. Sleep.  I'm very tired right now, and I want to go to bed...but it's Friday and that would be lame.  So I'm writing this instead.  Still fond of sleep though.
2. My new job.  I finally get to actually use my degree in my work instead of just using it as a coaster in my apartment.
3. Dr. Pepper.  It's just so good!!!
4. My 10-Key Skills.  I can fly through a ten key.
5. My Sarcasm.
6. My Apathy Towards Most Things.
7. My Family.  Probably should have put that up more...but whatever.  It's not like they read this anyway.  And if they do...Then Number Seven is the new number one.  Yeah.  There were accounting changes and we had to redo the numbering system, but really seven is first.  I just wrote this the old way because people haven't transitioned yet...sure.
8. My Friends.  Because only a handful of people could accept my perpetual pessimism, extreme weirdness, and blatant sarcasm (borderline plain rude) and claim me as their friend.
9. The Halo Franchise.
10. Frozen Dinners.
11. Anything That Can Be Done Online Instead of In Person.
12. My Old Coworkers and My Old Job.  I might have complained about it a lot, but I loved that old courthouse.  The people there are basically an extension of my family.  Only I actually got paid to see them.  So kind of better than my family on some days...
13. Auto-Number Lists.
14. My Excellent Lyric Retention.
15. Jeans Days.
16. Poland.
17. High School Accounting Class.  That's how I found my passion for the accounting world.
18. The Number 9.
19. Extra Long Limbs.
20. My Demotivational Calendar.
21. Sleeping In.
22. Wendy's.
23. Text Messaging. So I don't have to call people.
24. Caller ID.  So I can ignore the calls I do get.
25. Wikipedia.
26. Dinosaurs.  No particular reason.  Just thankful.
27. 'Murica
28. Sour Cream and Onion Chips.
29. Books.  On Books.  On Books On Books On Books.
30. And Last but not least.  Cheese.

So yeah.  That's about all the Thanks I'm gonna give now.  Hmm...

Bye,

Brian

My Big Move

So, I am finally settled in Chicago, with INTERNET!

I moved here a few weeks ago.  It was a painful and difficult ordeal.  Mostly because the staircase in my building is windy and very hard to move bulky items up.  So that sucked.  Literally had to take a futon apart in the doorway because we could not get it to fit...

Took me about a day and a half to get everything unpacked and organized where I wanted it.  Even now, I'm still probably not happy where everything is.  I'll move it about seven more times in the next few days.

My apartment is...cozy.  That's the word we can use for it.  At first, I thought it was way too small and I couldn't deal with it.  But settling in, I think it's a great size.  I just can't have a bunch of people over all at once.  Unless they want to drive to a hotel.  Or sleep in their cars...both work for me.

Started work as well.  So that's exciting.  I'm actually using my degree to do stuff now.  I mean...I'm not really using my degree, literally.  That would be weird.  I should try it one day though.  Maybe just push papers around using my diploma.  Make it useful instead of just being a $40,000 piece of paper.  Which reminds me.  I have to pay my student loans soon.  So that kind of sucks...

Hopefully I get paid soon...since rent is expensive.  And gas will probably be pricey.  And electric.  And cable.  WHY IS CABLE SO DANG EXPENSIVE?!?!  I mean...they are literally charging me for making the picture box glow.  We shoot that stuff through the air.  Why am I paying a metric crap-ton to get it to my TV?!?!  There's gotta be a bettah way!

Whatever.  That's my rant for now.  Just a quick update on my move.  More updates to follow!  And they'll be more exciting.  Maybe.  It is me after all.  My life is about as exciting as seeing a turkey vulture.  Yeah, it's cool because they look weird and are circling their prey, but it's just an awkward, bald bird that's going to be ripping apart some poor, helpless, probably adorable animal that just happened to lose in the game of life.  Eventually, seeing this nature display reminds you of your own mortality and why you spent a good hour watching a turkey vulture devour a rabbit instead of living.

I don't know what that metaphor had to do with how my life is boring...but it sounds pretty good, right?

Until we meet again,
Brian

My Whole Life Is About to Change

And it's all because of me.

But really, MY WHOLE LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE!  For those unaware, I have just accepted a position with a company.  IN CHICAGO!  So I have resigned from my job at the courthouse (WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING TO EVER HAPPEN!?!?) and now I am in the process of packing up all of my personal belongings and shipping them to a new state.  THE JOY!

That's really why I'm actually updating my blog...so I don't have to pack.

But yes, now this blog will actually get interesting because now I have stuff to talk about, like how Chicago will be different from where I am now.  Because, let's face it, if I blogged about my normal life right now, it would comprise mostly of Halo.  In fact, maybe entirely of Halo.

So stay tuned!  Things are gonna get a whole lot more exciting and potentially a whole lot more dramatic.

Graduation...and the Rest of My Life

Just kind of realized that my last post was about death...and it's been up there being all depressing for quite some time.  Whoops.  Anyway, I didn't really have any choice, since my life for the past month has been one hectic spiral of doom.  However, this is all changed.  FOR I HAVE A BACHELOR'S DEGREE!!!

Now I can do stuff, like work (which I have been doing forever) and pay taxes (which I will probably continue to do), and hang my diploma up!  Most the last one.  But yes, I have indeed graduated.  And it was a pain in the butt to get there.  The last month of school was mainly comprised of exams, papers, and projects.  ALL THREE IN SOME CRAZY SUCCESSION!  It was like the Children's Crusade, but more with homework and less with sending children into battle (I really have no idea what the Children's Crusade is about...the Wikipedia page is entirely way too long).

Anyway, I am now done.  I have officially graduated (I wanted to wait until they actually confirmed this because I'm weird like that).  Now, I have to figure out the rest of my life...which is awful.  So that's why I'm going to get a Master's Degree.  So I don't have to figure out the rest of my life quite yet.  Professional Student forever!!!

But yeah...so it's kind of summer now.  I guess all I'm going to do is work a bit since my hours got cut (thanks Obama (but really, Affordable Care Act cut my hours (so really, Thanks Obama!))) and maybe try to remove my infinite layers of pale, which could take months of direct contact with the sun, but it could happen.

Perhaps I will be able to post really cool things, but, knowing me, probably not.

Regards,
Brian, BBA

My Thoughts on Death

Having worked at a nursing home for four years previously, I feel I am detached from the idea of death.  I grew attached to my residents while I was there.  I felt like I was helping them live better lives.  Some of them I looked to like additional grandparents.  However, when a resident did pass away, I usually learned during the busiest times of work.  Usually, the conversation would go, "Oh, that's said.  I'll miss them.  Well, these dishes have to get done now."  I know that sounds terrible, but that's the kind of mindset I've been in for a very long time.

People die.  Life goes on.  That's how it happens.  That's how it's always happened, and that's how it's going to continue to happen.  Nothing can change that (short of a nuclear blitzkrieg).  I have no problem with the mourning process.  It's healthy.  It's necessary.  You need to mourn, but you also need to celebrate the lives that people lived.  Don't linger over the fact that they aren't here and that they had so much to live for.  Instead, enjoy the time you did spend with them and remember the joy they brought you.

Now, I don't know what happens after everything goes kaput and we die.  I don't think I want to know until it happens.  I personally don't believe in the great pearly gates of heaven that everyone goes up to.  And I don't know that I believe there is a place beneath our feet that souls are tortured in.  I think I'm too much of a realist to believe in that stuff.  I see the things in front of me, and those are real.  Abstract ideas like heaven (and imaginary numbers, but that's off topic) are just too far for me.  I want to believe in reincarnation, but even that seems a bit out there.  Strangely enough, I don't have much of a problem with not knowing.

Frankly, death doesn't scare me.  Going out does.  It could be in a whole slew of ways that could be terrifying, or painful, or peaceful, or a million other extremes.  But the actual dying does not scare me.  What am I going to care?  I'm dead!  Sure there may be people to mourn when I'm gone.  But again, that's not my concern.  I'm dead.  Life is going to go on and people are going to continue living their lives.  That may sound cynical and apathetic, but I really just don't care.  Yes, I have a lot of things I want to do with my life, and I hope I get to do most of them (knock on wood), but I'm not afraid to say, well, look at all the stuff I didn't get to do in my lifetime.  That sucks.  Because it does suck.  But you know what, I've done a lot of great stuff in my life too.  Granted, it wasn't memorable or life changing to the greater world, but to me it was.  And frankly, I am okay with that.

So yeah.  Like I said.  This blog is going to get real!  Sorry if I bummed anyone reading this out.  Here's a gif of a baby hugging puppies to make you feel better.

Hot Diggity Dog,

Brian

My Problem With Fruit

Fruit.  Many people love it.  Some people like it.  Some people just want to stay friends.  Me, I'm on the border somewhere among the three choices.  Because of my allergy to birch pollen, which I am now fully convinced I have (thanks to Wikipedia and WebMD, two of the most trusted internet sources), I am limited in what fruits I can eat. 

My friends and family think I'm insane because of my self-diagnosis, but every time that I eat apples, pears, plums, peaches, nectarines, celery, and almonds (yeah I know the last two aren't fruits, but so what, who cares, you want to fight about it?), my lips swell and itch and my tongue burns.  Both symptoms of Oral Allergy Syndrome!  HA!  +1 for Brian and the Internet.  -3 for Society.  But really, I can't eat these foods if they keep giving me these crazy times in the mouth region!  Not gonna happen.

Usually when I bring this point up to people, they say, "Well yeah, but you can still eat berries."  Erm.  Have you seen berries.  Like, really seen berries?  Allow me to show you the light:

Raspberry

Okay.  Here's my first problem.  What's with all the little circle-y things.  Is each individual one a berry?  I need to know what I'm eating, and I don't know if I'm eating one raspberry or a whole slew of raspberries in one clumped form.  Are they like a school of fish or a Galapagos of zebras (I assume that's a group of zebra) that move in one giant group to make themselves look scarier to outsiders?  Also too, what's up with the hair thing going on there?!?!  I was not aware I had to shave my fruit in addition to washing it.  Now, I've got to get out a razor and this is just going to take way too much time.  NEXT!

Blueberry

Okay.  This is a nice color.  I'd paint my walls in my bathroom something like this, assuming my bathroom got enough light in it.  But why do they have to be SO DANG SMALL!  With grapes, you know you can grab those and make it to your mouth.  But with these things, you've got to take a handful and shakily make your way to your oral cavity in hopes that one or two of these stays on your hands and makes it into your mouth.  Odds are, they end up all over the floor.  Then you step on them and everything starts to turn blue (da boo de da boo da).  I think I'll just starve then have all that problem.  NEXT!

Strawberry

Yeah.  Where to begin with these things.  First of all, I'm not too fond of the whole strawberry flavor thing.  Never have been.  Second of all, WHY ARE THE SEEDS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THIS THING?!?!?  You know seeds are the whole reproductive step in making new strawberry babies right?!?!  I don't want to be seeing your junk all over the place!!!  Are there strawberry pants or something that you can put on?  I mean, come on!  NEXT!

Halle Berry

I see nothing wrong here.  NEXT!

Moral of the story, I'm severely limited to eating mostly only melon and citrus fruits.  Living in Michigan, home to apples, and blueberries, and cherries, it's difficult.  What can you do?  At least now the world knows of my suffering.

Crunchatize Me Captain,

Brian

Church: Where People Pray and Germs Attack

I'm not an overly religious person.  I have no problem with religion and other people's religions, but I just don't strictly follow one creed.  There might be more of that at a later time, but this is hardly the post to go into my ideological beliefs.  The purpose of this post is to say how disgusting Church itself is.

I was a raised Roman Catholic, so I have been going to church since forever.  This year, I went with my mother on Christmas Eve and it is there that I realized that no amount of prayer is going to stop me from getting sick in that place.  Besides the constant coughing and clearing of the throats (and gnashing of the teeth and beating of the chests), there are also children screaming around like crazy, and it isn't for the Lord, that's for sure.

Like I said, I don't have a problem with religion.  But when there are a thousand or so people crammed in pews so that you can't move at all lest you hit someone you don't know, maybe there should be some guidelines for health.  Maybe the sick people should all be quarantined off in their own little section where they can cough on each other and live happily in their disease ridden place of worship.

Unfortunately, this is not the case.  Whilst I was there spreading my cheerful Christmas attitude towards these God-Fearing individuals, I couldn't help but notice that everyone is sick.  And then I'm expected to hold hands with them.  Umm…no.  Look lady, I know you're at least 90 and probably a sweet old lady, but I see your hanky tucked in your sleeve.  I ain't touching that hand grandma!  BACK OFF!  I'M NOT AFRAID TO THROW DOWN WITH AN OLD LADY!  I HAVE FED YOUR KIND FOR TOO LONG TO BE AFRAID OF YOU!

And then I'm supposed to drink from the same cup?  Pass.  Look, great that the blood of Christ is here and all, but I just saw the person before me coughing up their lung ten minutes ago, so I'm just going to wait until we sterilize the cup and get a fresh batch of Christ blood.  Thanks.

And then the children.  GOD THE CHILDREN!  You know the Whitney Houston song "I believe the children are our future, teach them well and blah blah blah blah blah."  Yeah.  Children are not my future.  I used to think, oh hey, I want to be a teacher and instill knowledge upon a younger generation!  HA!  Not anymore.  Now, I would like to give each child a good smack upside the head.  Apparently, this is now controversial and you get called a child abuser because let's not let our douchebag children know what the real world is like.  Let's keep them in this safe cocoon of lies where no harm comes their way and they can do whatever they want.  I have seen children like this, and I usually will tell them how it is:  "You are a punk.  Nobody cares how much swag you have when you end up in prison as someone else's bitch.  Good luck getting your law degree after you get that face tattoo of your grade school girlfriend's name."  They run around Church likes it's the circus, then start crying because they  banged their head on the pew.  Not to mention, kids are sticky…like, all the time.  And they have snot dripping out of their noses constantly, which ends up in the pew, which ends up on me, which ends up getting me sick.

I digress.  The main point of this story is sick people are gross and you should watch what you drink from and who you touch.  I think I should be good the rest of this flu season though.  Having already gotten sick twice (once after this fiasco), I think my body has enough antibodies stored up to last me a nuclear winter.

Health and Well-Being to You All,

Brian